Leather Spinsters Newsletter September 2004 Edition

Leather Spinsters Newsletter Sepetember 2004 Edition

Inside this Newsletter

1. Articles

    A. What's Stopping you?

    B. Moving Alone is Like One Hand Clapping

2. FYI (For Your Information)

"The number one is the loneliest number if
we believe it to be." Regena English


What's Stopping you?

We're all familiar with the cycle:
1. We want new, but resist change.
2. We want satisfaction, but procrastinate.
3. We want control, but defer to circumstance.

So, what’s stopping *you*?

A belief?

“I’m an incurable procrastinator, I’ll probably be late to my own funeral.” Beliefs like this dictate your thoughts, and your thoughts turn into action -- or in this case, *inaction*. Consciously turn those thoughts into something that can help you, not hinder you.

A habit?

While it seems too simple to actually have impact, success on any goal boils down to a good habit. If you eat well and exercise, you’ll be successful with a healthy lifestyle. If you don’t control your spending and put aside some for emergencies, you’ll conversely end up with financial woes. Do you habits help you or hurt you?

Easier not to do?

This is probably the most common stopper. “Sure, I’d love to have my own business, but…”. Change is not easy. No matter how small a change, you will feel uncomfortable at some points. We all know this, and sometimes it’s just easier to live with the ‘familiar unhappiness’ than to push through the inevitable uncomfortable feelings. Anticipate the feelings, and be ready to push through the change until it becomes a part of you.


What if I’m not happier? What if I fail? What if I make a mistake? While the buzz words are “fear of failure”, often the more concrete reason is fear of looking silly or ignorant, or -- gasp! -- uncool. But without being able to accept failure, and possible even some ridicule while you learn, you are dooming yourself to the rut you are in. The same way a toddler has to fall over and over before he gets it right, you too will have to be willing to fall down, get up, and try and again.

So what can you do about these stoppers?

1. Minimize its impact in your life:
Find, create, and set up the emotional, mental, or physical support you need.

2. Change it:
Take a hard look at your daily habits. Are they contributing to what you want out of life? You can practice daily bad habits or daily good habits. It’s truly your choice.

3. Neutralize it:
Turn the negative message into a positive choice. “Maybe I am a procrastinator, but that’s not something I’m born with like blue eyes. I can still control my brain, and make my choices on what I want, not on what a procrastinator might do.”

Remember This:
The *only* difference between you and the people who are getting what they want in their lives is that they kept trying, kept learning, kept asking and negotiating and exploring -- kept moving forward, one step at a time. Get Moving!


Kathy Gates is a Professional Life Coach in Scottsdale AZ. If you liked this article, you’ll love her “Beat the Procrastination Blues” program. Get more information at her website Real Life Coach, www.reallifecoach.com for products and services and sign up for her newsletter.

Moving Alone is Like One Hand Clapping

Lillian still remembers moving to a Minneapolis suburb five years ago. Neighbors came bearing all kinds of home-baked pastry, cakes, and donuts.

The party stopped when someone asked, "What does your husband do?" "There's just me," said Lillian. "My son lives in Alabama."

The welcoming neighbors rose, said hasty good-byes and walked out. She had never seen people move so fast. Lillian was hurt until she realized, "It was up to me to defuse the situation. To them, I was a threat -- a sophisticated career woman from New York."

Being single -- never-married, divorced or widowed -- poses special challenges during relocation.

· Many locales are geared for the married person with two kids and a station wagon. Don't be surprised if stores close at five. And in some towns, you may be the only unattached person for miles.

· Some companies give relocated parents time to settle the children, but single people must begin work right away. "Who's supposed to unpack and wait for the utility hookups? Perhaps I should train the dog to let them in."

· Sometimes you need help. If you get sick, "You want someone there to hold your hand and tell you you're gonna be better." And if your car battery dies, who do you call for help?

· If you travel on business, your social life may be gone when you get back.

Some things you can do:

1. Remind yourself why you're moving. If you are making an important career move, focus on work and seek weekend escapes.

2. Reframe aloneness as solitude. Plan self-nurturing activities to fill your inner emptiness.

3. Join groups that offer you a chance to have fun and express your creativity. Avoid "singles" groups where your time is wasted unless you meet someone.

4. Get a dog or cat, but only if you are ready for a ten-to-twenty-year commitment. Walking a dog will help you make friends and a cat will purr on your bed all night. But animals need care when you travel and they'll be around long after you've begun to feel at home.

5. As time goes on, you will (almost always) gain a life. Simply being "familiar" will help people like you.

6. If you have given the place a fair chance, and you are still miserable, your location may be a bad fit. Get counseling if you are starting to sabotage your work. Plan to move, no matter what the cost.

7. Review your career strategy. Are the best jobs in your career located in small towns, while you are an urban person? Will you be happy only in certain locations? Talk to a career counselor or coach about starting a business that allows you to live where you feel comfortable.


Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, and career consultant. She works with mid-career professionals who want to stop pounding on closed doors and let their next career find them."
Weekly ezine:subscribe@cathygoodwin.com


No profits are gained nor claims are made by publishing this potentially helpful information.

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